I Swear My Thought Processes Make Sense

A couple weeks ago, I was talking with a friend over Skype. In the background, I heard a faint “caw.”

“Are there crows on your end?” I asked.

“Yep,” said my friend. The conversation paused, and for a moment there was nothing but ambient road noise coming through my headphones. Then he chimed in with, “They’re mocking me.”

My brain immediately went through roughly the following process:

  • Birds are mocking my friend
  • My friend’s sister once made a Facebook post about how he looks like Nicolas Cage
  • Nicolas Cage is the origin of “my hair is a bird, your argument is invalid”
  • The birds must be making fun of his hair.

This makes a lot more sense than the way it went down in my brain. The actual thought process went down both the “birds” and “Nicolas Cage” routes at once, and I only figured out the role of that one Facebook post in retrospect. Half the time I can’t even identify what triggers the specific leap in logic that my brain takes and decides to run with as if it’s the baton in an Olympic relay race.

I clumsily mumbled something along the lines of, “They must be making fun of your hair.” That felt awkward, so I immediately topped it off with a disproportionate amount of explanation, desperately trying to trace my bizarre thought process. In the end, I think we both came out feeling awkward and confused, and I only say “I think” because I can’t fully speak for my friend. He sounded confused, but I might have been projecting.

In any case, we quickly changed the topic to D&D.

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