WARNING: CONTAINS POLITICS
In what is perhaps an ill-advised action, I just spent a little bit of time scrolling through Donald Turpis’s twitter page. It was a bizarre experience, kind of like looking into the mind of someone who can only think in the language of advertisements and possesses views that could be charitably described as “archaic.” Of course, I do not tend to be charitable when discussing the Terrible Toupee-Beast, so I would characterize them as “stupid, ill-informed, racist, misogynistic, bigoted, and generally horrible.” The poor grammar is basically the piss icing on a cake of shit.
A quick disclaimer before we begin: as I find it impossible to combine the words “Trump” and “President” without becoming violently ill, I will be referring to Donald Turpis by a variety of creative euphemisms throughout this piece. (Turpis, by the way, is a wonderful Latin word meaning “foul, ugly, base, and/or shameful.” It’s basically a catch-all negative that catches all of Trump’s identifiable traits. If you want to be particularly uncharitable, consider swapping it out for the superlative, “Turpissimus.”)
One annoying tendency of this offspring of the Annoying Orange and a Troll doll is that he loves to end his Tweets with an exclamation point. I’m not going to go through his entire Twitter page to do an exact count, because that would take aeons, but if I had to guess, I’d say it’s probably just over half of them. Often, the exclamation is applied to a single word, which appears like an extra hashtag at the end of the Tweet. “Jobs!” he shoves in, after rambling about his economic policy. This, of course, results in some of the hallmarks of Trump tweets, e.g. “Sad!” and the recent staple “FAKE NEWS!”
America’s least intelligent half-domesticated orangutan also hits on one of my personal pet peeves: rampant misuse of the em-dash, often using a hyphen in its place. I have already written about my distaste for the em-dash, but in that post, I neglected to mention how doubly annoying it is when a hyphen or en-dash is incorrectly substituted for an em-dash. It effectively takes one of my grammatical Berserk Buttons and multiplies, no, exponentiates it.
Of course, these aren’t the only grammar failures that America’s number one racist grandpa commits regularly. He bifurcates words, sometimes with a space (e.g. “main stream” instead of “mainstream,” “business women” instead of “businesswomen”) and sometimes with a hyphen (e.g. “non-sense” instead of “nonsense”). He often leaves out spaces after ellipses, sometimes leaves them out before or after his hyphen-dashes, and occasionally even misses them between words… only to have them show up in other tweets, where there are extra spaces. Speaking of ellipses, some of his have extra dots. Worst of all, though, is the way he will occasionally seem to shift subjects in the middle of a sentence. These particular lapses in grammar are to the point where I’m not entirely sure what, precisely, went wrong. Perhaps he had to edit the thought to keep it within the character limit and clarity suffered for it… or perhaps he lost his train of thought halfway through, like he always does when he talks.
Finally, the style of his tweets can only be described as “advert-esque.” Emphasis is dropped haphazardly with no regard for how its overuse will dull its effect, and description is confined to generalities and superlatives. In the world of America’s sentient sack of crooked money, nothing is ever “kind of bad.” It’s either just generally “bad” or “A DISASTER.”
As an illustration of Donald Turpis’s terrible grammar and bizarre style, I present you with the text of this tweet, posted on February 20th. To avoid popping a blood vessel, I’ll just focus on the grammar and do my best to ignore the atrocious content.
Give the public a break – The FAKE NEWS media is trying to say that large scale immigration in Sweden is working out just beautifully. NOT!
This gem does not contain all of our first Cheeto president’s grammatical failings, but it does contain a good number of them, and could benefit greatly from a good look by an editor. So, let’s pick it apart!
Firstly, “give the public a break” is an odd turn of phrase. I understand what he was trying to do here, but when you say something similar to a common saying, you run the risk of sounding like you don’t speak English. Plus, I’m pretty sure that most of the public would like a break from YOU, Donald, not from the “fake news media.”
We then get a hyphen-dash. This should, of course, be an em-dash, though my own personal idiosyncrasy would lead me to recommend an exclamation point, ending the sentence without the need for said em-dash. That would also eliminate the need to get rid of that capitalization on “the,” because it would at least be beginning a new sentence. As-is, it’s a random and ungrammatical capitalization.
Of course, then we get the entirely-capitalized “FAKE NEWS.” This is intended to be for emphasis, but considering how often Mr. Monopoly’s tacky uncle uses CAPSLOCK in his tweets, it really isn’t that emphatic. Overuse of capslock just makes one look like a blowhard, which in this case is fair, since the Drumpf is a blowhard.
The rest of the sentence is largely okay grammar-wise. Then, of course, the bloated orange sea cucumber goes and tacks on a “NOT!”
Yeah, I think that speaks for itself.
My conclusion? Before anyone runs for president, they should be tested for grammatical competence. Any leader of our country ought to have far better communication skills than Donald Turpis has displayed.