Last Month in Spam: Wow, England. Wow.

Hey guys! I’m finally back to regular blog writing. I honestly did not realize how long it had been since I made a post. I suppose that’s what happens when I get really into writing my novel, then get horrid writer’s block and hit my head against a wall for a bit, then go on a trip to England, then rediscover an old favorite game.

Since my last post, I’ve received no fewer than 13 spam comments. Most of them are fairly generic, but the real stand-outs are the four latest ones, which all occurred during said trip to England. I was only there for a week, with hotel wifi as my computer’s only option for Internet connection. I didn’t get to use it much, but somehow, this ended up getting spambots from the UK to message me.

They were all escort services.

I kid you not. The names of the spam accounts were, in order, “Nottingham Escorts,” “Escorts in Leicester,” “Bristol Escort,” and “escorts in bristol.”

Within this grouping, two in particular were rather interesting. “Bristol Escort” did something I’d never seen before: give a spambot attempt at concrit. I quote:

However, consider this, what if you were to write a awesome title?

I am not suggesting your content is not solid., but suppose you added something to possibly get folk’s
attention? … You should glance at Yahoo’s home
page and see how they create article headlines to grab
viewers to open the links. You might add a video
or a related pic or two to grab people interested about everything’ve written. Just my opinion, it could make
your posts a little bit more interesting.

Apparently, UK spambots have figured out that humans usually share some negative opinions along with the positives. Adding to the weirdness is the fact that the writing style here is actually relatively lucid, as compared to the bizarre misspelling-ridden and grammatically poor comments left by American spambots. The British even do spambots better, guys.

The other standout was… well, it was when someone had apparently managed to fuck with the spambot’s algorithm. I really can’t do anything but post the entire text of the comment, just so you can see it.

Having read this I thought it was rather enlightening.
I appreciate you finding the time and effort to put this
information together. I once again find myself spending a significant amount of time both reading and commenting.
But so what, it was still worth it! Nottingham Escorts FUCK OFF OUT OF NOTTINGHAM ESCORTS YOU
WAKER Nottingham Escorts Nottingham EscortsFUCK OFF
OUT OF NOTTINGHAM ESCORTS YOU WAKER FUCK OFF OUT OF NOTTINGHAM ESCORTS YOU WAKER Nottingham Escort Agency Nottingham
EscortsFUCK OFF OUT OF NOTTINGHAM ESCORTS YOU
WAKER Nottingham Escorts FUCK OFF OUT OF NOTTINGHAM ESCORTS YOU WAKER Nottingham EscortsFUCK OFF OUT OF NOTTINGHAM ESCORTS YOU WAKER FUCK OFF OUT OF NOTTINGHAM ESCORTS YOU WAKER Viva
La Shit Nottingham Nottingham Escorts

Now if only “wanker” were spelled correctly.

This Week in Spam: CLOSE THE FLOODGATES

After last week’s near-drought, of course this week would be absolutely chock full of spam.

Since last Wednesday, I have received no fewer than twelve spam comments, which is rather surprising considering that I doubt many people read this blog yet. Then again, my dad still hasn’t helped me install the Analytics plugin, so I can’t actually tell how many people are reading. I should probably stop before I start getting ridiculously self-conscious.

A bunch of these spam comments came from “education tips” or variants thereof, which is kind of interesting. I guess this means that the spambots consider my blog to be educational. I don’t know whether that should be a facepalm-inducer or an unexpected milestone.

Perhaps this occurred because all of these comments were on my post about em-dashes. In fact, every single spam comment with even marginally passable grammar was on that particular post.

Besides that, I got more of the cspan spammers, and a few financial advice things. Most of them were generic compliments with varying degrees of grammatical incompetence. A couple of them were actually grammatically correct, which was pretty nice. Unfortunately, it’s still spam, so there was no choir of angels or anything like that.

Two of the spam comments were in German. I don’t speak German. They came from the same spambot, but were promoting different websites. I wonder if it’s a spambot-for-hire or something.

I really hope that no such thing exists.

This Week in Spam: Right Under the Wire

I am pleased to report that the past week has been relatively spam-free! In fact, the only spam comment I received was posted this very afternoon.

This one also came with a hilariously broken link to “foxnews.co.uk.” I’m pretty sure the U.K. doesn’t have Fox News. Fox News is one of those things the U.K. uses to point and laugh at silly Americans, along with our portion sizes and weird accents. It’s a distinctly ‘Murrican thing.

The other funny thing is that the comment was another Spamception, posted again on my first This Week in Spam post. I’m not sure what it is about that post, but apparently it’s a magnet for further spam.

Content-wise, this one was another one of those “generic compliment” spam comments: complimenting the writing, saying something about how Spambot McSpammyson would forward the post to his roommate, etc. It also addressed me as “you guys,” or rather, “yyou guyss.” This particular spambot, you see, has a consonant reduplication fetish.

Perhaps this coming week will see an actual spam-drought… it would be very nice to get a week off.

This Week in Spam: Spamception!

Since last week, I have received four comments, all of them spam. The hope of finding another real comment fades. If any of you would be so kind as to throw one my way, I would be quite grateful.

The funniest thing about this week’s surge of spam, in my opinion, was that half of the spam comments were posted on last week’s entry of This Week in Spam. Does the word “spam” attract more spam? Are there sinister forces at work here?

Eh, probably not. It’s still funny, though.

One thing that I really can’t figure out, though, is why the people who make these spambots seem unable to disguise them as actual comments. The ones who are given away by their blatant link-drops and alien grammar are strange enough, but then I happen upon ones like last week’s tropical smoothie, or one from this week that talked about weight loss, and I just think… why? Does anyone actually click on these things?

And now that I’ve posed that question, I must again remind myself that I live in a world where Donald Trump was elected President over one of the most qualified candidates in United States history. I may just be going broke overestimating the intelligence of the American public.

You would think, though, that it wouldn’t be too hard to disguise a spam comment as a legit one. General praise is far easier to give in a non-spammy way than these comments would lead me to believe. The obvious compliment would be “well-written,” or a simple “I liked your article.” Perhaps the spammers feel that this too would be obvious, which it definitely would if they keep dropping their link right in the body of the comment text. Some try to integrate it with a comment about how “this is a great site” or “check out my blog,” but the first is still blatantly obvious in its clickbaiting, and the second becomes obvious when it links to something that obviously isn’t a blog URL.

Perhaps I should keep these insights to myself, so that the spammers never figure out how to actually slip past people’s radar. That would certainly save a few people from falling victim to their annoying tactics.

Ultimately, I think this nitpicking of mine stems from my horrible tendency to attempt to correct any perceived inaccuracy. It’s a character flaw of mine. If any of you have some idea how I can curb it, I would very much like to hear your suggestions. As long as it’s not something woo like crystal therapy or hypnosis, that is.

This Week in Spam: Tropical Smoothies and Portuguese

In the past week, I have received three comments which definitely come from spammers, and one which I think is legit. My ability to joke about “wonders of the Internet, amirite?” is fading a bit.

The first spammy comment was immediately obvious because it was written entirely in Portuguese. I don’t speak Portuguese. Previous experience with high school Spanish and college Latin allows me to identify the language and pick out a few words, but overall, it’s all cuneiform to me (I prefer not to say “it’s all Greek” because I actually know some Greek, albeit the ancient version).

Further evidence for its spam nature comes in the form of the name “baixar pc flash” and the linked portfolio. A more obvious spambot you will rarely see.

The second spammy comment actually puts its link in the body of the comment itself rather than the commenter details. It’s a Twitter link, which I didn’t follow, but am pretty sure is porn because the username has the same two capitalized characters at the end that the other account with a link to Twitter porn did. This one might actually be a person hired to post spam rather than a spambot, but I only say that because the link embedding is botched.

The body text of that one is hardly worth mentioning. It’s a generic compliment with poor grammar, the kind that looks like either a chatbot or a poor author’s rendition of a non-native English speaker. This also matches up pretty well with the other Twitter pornbot.

The third, well… I’ll just let it speak for itself.

[…] Tropical Pineapple Coconut Smoothie: if you’re looking for everything exotic, this 3 ingredient smoothie is exactly the one you […]

Yes, those bracketed ellipses are actually a part of the comment, and to ridiculous grammar-pedant me, they are utterly baffling. Is the spambot adding ellipses to the comment? Why? What are they trying to imply with this unnecessary punctuation? Is it supposed to be a quote? What the hell is going on here?

This one is actually the only one to have a human name attached to it, though the website and email links don’t match it. They also don’t match with the text of the comment, which is kind of a bummer, because a pineapple coconut smoothie actually sounds pretty tasty.

While the spam comments are kind of annoying, I am interested in seeing what happens to their rate of posting as I keep building this blog. I’m not really sure yet as to whether they’re targeting new posts, because while the first two popped up rather soon after the corresponding blog post, the third was on a post that I made back in January (though to be fair, that’s not exactly a long time ago at this point).

I think I’ll be making this a series. Tune in next Wednesday evening for another installment of This Week in Spam!

Of Course My First Comment Comes from a Spambot

Wonders of the Internet, amirite?

I check into this blog, just to see if it’s gotten any hits, and there’s a pending comment on my first post. I can tell from the wording that it’s completely unrelated to anything I wrote, and it’s attached to a Twitter handle. Out of curiosity, I tweaked my firewall settings to gank any and all conceivable viruses, right-clicked the Twitter link, and selected “open in incognito window.”

Unsurprisingly, it was a porn feed, and not even a good one at that. Definitely a bot. (Who the hell even gets their porn on Twitter? It’s a social network; unless you have an account specifically for finding pictures of people fucking, your friends and relatives could find out what you like looking at… and even then, you’re still pretty likely to get busted.)

So, that concludes that little experiment. The comment in question will not be approved for public viewing. From now on, all spambots will be blocked, though I may showcase any particularly hilarious non-sequitur comments on the blog just for fun.